Miss. Jo: I haven't got that book yet but I will eventually!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is my story: My Dad argued at my Mom yesterday. I tried to get him to understand that I have RAD!!!!!!! But he doesn't want to understand. I have lots of tools but he gets mad when my Mom tries to help me. Is there anyway you could help????????????????? I felt scared and mad. My Mom helped me. Then we went to therapy and talked about it.
Thank you for the comments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sincerely,
J
Trauma Doesn't Tell Time
11 years ago
10 comments:
I don't really know how to make your Dad see that you have RAD but I can tell you the way I felt about it up until I started reading your mom's blog.
I didn't believe my kids had RAD because they didn't start acting like it until a year and a half after they were living with me.
I thought they were feeling sad and afraid because they lost their baby sister and they weren't going back to their bios ever. So, I took them to a therapist for help, except she didn't help. She told them about RAD and the things RAD kids do and they started to do them. They just seemed sad. They weren't going to the bathroom on the floor or hitting or yelling or even breaking things. They were lying and stealing. After they saw her they were doing everything.
I felt like they were just being bad to hurt me so I would send them away and finally I gave up and was trying to find out how to send them away. I didn't want to but I didn't understand that they didn't really want that at all. They kept saying they didn't want that but I thought they were lying because they were hurting me so badly.
Then I found your mom's blog and other RAD blogs and I started to notice that my kids did have physical signs of RAD and I thought sometimes I could see my kids struggling with the things they were doing and not really wanting to act like that and it confused me. I think they may have had RAD starting to happen to them and the therapist made it worse.
Then I read your first post and I realized my kids do have RAD. I think what makes it very hard to admit is that you see such special little people and you know they have had really bad things done to them and this is how they are dealing with it. When a parent starts to admit that their babies are hurting and that they are trying not to hurt but they don't know how and as a parent we don't know how to make their hurt stop... we want to tell ourselves it's not true. That it's just a phase that our kids are going through.
It's easier and less scary to say that a kid is just acting out then to think about what has happened to a kid that makes them react this way.
Maybe your Dad is just hurting and scared and doesn't want to show you guys that and he acts mad instead? Sort of like RAD kids do. I know I did that a lot with my kids. It didn't help anything but it gave me a little longer to believe it wasn't true.
~Sasha
Maybe you could show your dad your blog? I agree with Sasha above me that he might be scared, but if you showed him how well you write about it then it might help him understand. If he doesn't understand it properly, that's another reason he might be scared because a lot of people are scared of things they don't understand.
Thank you for having this excellent blog J!
Kath
Hey Miss J,
I tried to comment on your blog earlier. I am so proud of you for sharing your feelings on your blog, and for understanding your feelings about Daddy G's arguing.
My biological Dad used to argue in front of me a lot too, and it made me scared inside. I'm sorry that your Daddy argues in front of you, even though it might be because he's scared about RAD or doesn't understand it, it doesn't make it any easier for you.
May I send you some friendship energy today, ALL the way from Newfoundland? Maybe your awesome Mom can help you look for my island on a map.
What colour should your friendship energy be?
Thinking of yoou
Ashley
Hi J
Your Mom tells me your friendship energy is blue, so watch out for some sparkly blue energy from the island you're looking for on your globe :)
Ashley
J I think you are already doing exactly what you need to. You know how you are feeling and you are telling how you are feeling. We can't always fix the other people in our lives, sometimes they can't or won't change. BUT, we can help ourselves deal with people who are acting difficult. Be strong.
This is such a hard thing to experience-when a parent doesn't understand or seem to accept how hard something is for a kid. My husband has a really difficult time accepting our 16 yr olds behavior. I don't think he believes in RAD especially because we adopted her as a 10 mo old. I think you are doing what you can do in a healthy way. You are letting him know how you feel in a letter because talking to him about it would be too hard, you are telling him what helps you and what is difficult. It is a respectful letter too. It is up to him to change. I'm so happy your mom is in tune with you 100%. Your dad might just take a lot longer to accept it. But if he decides not to change, please know that it is not because of something you said or did.
Dear J, At first I was shocked and disappointed when I heard that we were going to leave the church. There were not many children at all at the church.
I'm glad you're having a good day. I am having a good day,too. Are you the only child and is Pudding a dog? I will tell you about my animals next time when I write to you. I have to go now. Bye J your friend STEPHANIE. See you later!!!!!
Hi J- I am sorry your dad had a bad day! But your post sounds like you know how to handle it. Sometimes it hurts anyway, even when a person is using all their tools and asking for help.
I think it is a great idea to keep explaining RAD to him. It might take more time for him to understand.
Good luck!
Hi J,
I think it is so brave of you to have written a letter to Daddy G explaining how you feel when he fights with your awesome mom in front of you. It takes courage to express our feelings, especially if we think someone else might get mad about it. But it is SO NECESSARY to do that! Expressing your feelings in an honest way helps you to heal. Maybe Daddy G just needs a better way to express his feelings. Maybe he isn't really mad; maybe he is scared, too! Scared because he doesn't understand. Scared because he can't control things. Lots of people get scared, then act mad, when they can't control things. What do you think? I think that we need to send Daddy G some pink and blue light!
I will send you lots of blue light for friendship and protection, plus lots of pink light for love :)
Love,
reikichris
It's not fun to hear parents argue. Mine did and it used to bother me a lot when I was growing up. I used to think that they were always arguing about me but when I got older I realized they just weren't happy with each other and I accounted for about ten percent of their disagreements. Lots of times they argued because they had been having a bad day or because they didn't feel well.
I don't know why your dad doesn't want to believe you have RAD. It's hard to hear negative things about your children. Parents blame themselves for their children's problems. It could be that your father is blaming himself when he hears you have had difficulties. If he convinces himself that you don't have RAD then he won't have to feel guilty.
There have been a lot of labels for the problems kids have getting along in the world and the names of those change all the time. Maybe your dad thinks RAD is just a trend that will pass.
It's hard to ignore when your parents are fighting but you'll feel better if you try not to listen and concentrate on something you like to do instead. Your parents love you even though they argue sometimes.
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