Monday, January 5, 2009

The Life Before My Mom Got Me

BAD people hurt me. My birthmom, birthdad and birthsister hurt me too. A fostermom hurt me many times. A social worker kept sending me back there and to too many homes. When I was a baby nobody took good care of me. Back then when I was a baby BUGS crawled on ME. I still HATE bugs. Nobody kept me SAFE. I had to take care of myself, or I would DIE. This is why I have RAD. I am embarrassed to tell you other things but maybe another day.

Social workers need to keep kids safe and don't let them go from home to home or stay with BAD PEOPLE and birthparents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do you have RAD?

Thank you for the comments. I LOVE the stickers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

30 comments:

Sheri said...

J, my heart hurts for the bad time before your mom got you. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. No child should be hurt!

I, too, have a son who was not treated very well as a baby. He also was in many different foster homes. We were his TENTH foster home is 2 years!

He has many issues also. His mom drank alcohol when he was inside her belly. The doctor's have said he is not a RAD kid, but the more you tell us about RAD and how you feel inside, the more things I can understand about my son. I think he also has some RAD issues.

I am SO VERY HAPPY that your mom found you! You are very lucky, but you know what? She is VERY lucky too!

Thanks for sharing!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

That sounds like a terrible start to your life but I am so happy to read that things are better for you now.

Upstatemomof3 said...

J,
I cannot even tell you the deepth of the sympathy I have for what you went through. I am so sorry that so many people hurt you. And let bugs crawl on you. I hate bugs too and I would not handle them crawling on me well. I am so thankful that your mom found you and has been ale to make you safe and to help you know you are safe. God Bless.

FaerieMama said...

J, my daughter had lots of bad people hurt her too. She has RAD just like you! She is working really hard to get better too. We cuddle alot, and talk about her feelings. (I love her more than anything in the world.) I showed her your blog. She said wishes she could write and spell as well as you do!

Ashley said...

J, you are such a brave, sweet girl for sharing all that. And I'm really glad you're with your Mom now who would never do any of those things and takes care of you!

Ashley

Kristina P. said...

J, I am a social worker, and used to be a caseworker for kids like you. And I hope my kids were never hurt in their foster homes. I cared about every kid and tried to keep them safe.

I'm so sorry that didn't happen for you.

Hannah_Rae said...

J
My name is Hannah and my husband, Kaleb and I are in the process of adopting a 12 year old girl. She was hurt when she was little too, and has a very hard time knowing what to do when she gets angry. Thank you so much for sharing your story. God loves you very much and He is very proud of you.

marythemom said...

Hi J,

My son and daughter had bad stuff happen to them too. I think you are very brave for being able to talk about it. Sometimes it is very hard for my son and daughter to trust people enough to tell about all the bad things that happened to them.

When my children were 9 and 11 their biomother decided she didn't want them anymore. Biomom kept their younger sisters. They were lucky and got good foster parents and were safe until we found them and adopted them, but they didn't feel safe. I am so glad you feel safe and are able to appreciate your wonderful Mom!

Mary in Texas

Rose Adoption Journey said...

J-
My J and my S were treated badly too. They are now 13 and 14. They have come a long way. You will too! Guess what...everyone has something that they are working on You are not alone. God bless you!
Ms Lisa

Denise said...

J, I feel so sad when I read that you were hurt and weren't taken care of. It's so hard to understand, even for grown-ups. I'm just happy that you write about it, and I'm especially happy that you're with your mom who keeps you safe!!

I also have to say that I have never, ever seen anyone get so many stickers so quickly!!! Wow!!

Denise

ChrissiD said...

I think that it`s really awesome of you to talk about those terrible things which happened to you and I always wish that your time as a baby could have been much easier for you..And I am so happy for you that better times began and now you have such a great mom...
Today after we talked on the phone I had to read your blog again and tears ran over my face and I couldn`t stop it..
I miss you all a lot..
Love, Miss Chrissi

Tracey said...

J, I'm so sorry you had to go through those awful things. I'm glad that your mom found you. You have both worked so very hard to help you feel better and you've done an amazing job. You are one of the bravest people I know.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings in your blog. You are helping so many parents understand their kids better. You should be very proud of yourself.

Hugs,
Tracey

VS said...

J: Thank you for sharing your feelings with all of us. You are very brave to do this! I'm so sorry that you had a bad start and were hurt by so many, but very glad that you and your Mom have found each other!
Vicki

Corrine said...

Dearest J;
My heart hurts for all that you have been through.
YOU ARE SAFE NOW, darling!!
You are aware of some things you need to work on, and have a family to help!
I agree that the state needs to keep kids safe!ALWAYS
Maybe you have found your future profession!

Linda B. said...

J, You will be an amazing therapist some day. You are already helping kids and their parents or caregivers with this blog! Do you know how incredibly brave you are for speaking up like this and helping us parents to know what it is like to have RAD? So many of our kids aren't able to do this. Thank you so much. My 16 year old is in a residential therapy center right now. I was talking with her and her therapist this morning. We had to cut our session short because she wouldn't talk to us after telling me I am not her mom, I don't love her, I think you know how that goes. But after being in our family for 15 years it is hard for me to understand why she still pushes us and our love away. She's still looking for someone to love her. Do you have any ideas? I'm sorry if this is too difficult, I keep forgetting you are 8 yrs old because of your good writing skills!

Kimberly said...

J,

You are so brave and strong for being able to talk about the bad time before you met your Mom. The bad stuff we keep inside gets all dark and yucky. When we talk about it, the light shines on it and makes it all go away. You are shining the light on all the bad things that ever happened to you!!

Thank you so much for teaching us about what it feels like to recover from RAD. We love reading your blog. I'm so happy that you have an awesome Mom, she loves you so much.

I have a question for you... How does it feel to wear the weighted vest and sleep with the weighted blankets? Does it calm you down? Why?

Many warm thoughts....Kim

Jillene said...

J,
I am new to your blog but I love your mommy's. I am so sorry that bad people hurt you. But now you are with your AMAZING mommy and you will never be hurt again. She loves you so much!!

Carol E. said...

I am so sorry those bad things happened to you. Thank goodness you found your wonderful mom. I hope writing this blog is part of your healing and growing. You go, girl!

Lauri said...

Honey I am so sorry that bad things happened to you.... you did nothing wrong and did not deserve any of that horrible treatment.

the good thing is that now you are healing, growing stronger inside and out and you have a fantastic Mom to keep you safe.


You never have to worry or be afraid anymore.

PeWee said...

J! WOW! Look at all the stickers you have!!

The BEST thing you said in this post is "I AM SAFE!!!!!!" That made me smile through my tears!

motherissues said...

J, I don't have a sticker to leave but I can make comments.

I know your awesome mom through her blog. My partner and I are training right now to be moms for a kid who's lived in foster homes and needs a mom. I've learned so much from your mom and the people in your stickers, but it is truly AMAZING to to hear the voice of an actual RAD kid. You are teaching me things no mom or social worker ever could. Thank you. I hope I'll be a better mother because of you.

Torina said...

Hi J,

My kids were hurt before they came to me, too. They didn't get enough to eat and didn't have a safe place to sleep when they were little. They are still afraid to feel safe. It takes time to heal from an experience like that. You are so brave to talk about what happened to you. I am so glad you now have your mom. Keep working hard on your RAD. You are doing a good job.

Torina

Kelly said...

Wow Awesome J. You are such a brave little girl. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are a great writer and I like your capital letters and !!! when you want to emphasize something. GREAT JOB !!!!!

Jo said...

I cried when I read that you were hurt before your mommy found you. My little boy was hurt too, before we found him. It makes me really sad to think about it. But just like you, I try so hard to remember he is SAFE now. Be sure and give your mommy a big hug and tell her thank you for helping you be safe. You are the most amazing young lady and I feel really lucky to be able to read about your journey. Thank you for the music, WELCOME, where ever you are! I do believe, with all my heart! Hugs.

Maia said...

J,
I'm very sorry you were hurt. You didn't deserve to be. Thanks for sharing what you did. None of my sibs who have RAD are wanting to write about it right now but I am reading your blog to them.
Sincerely,
Maia

Holly said...

So glad you are safe now, but sorry you were not kept safe when you were a baby. I'm glad you are able to write here and share this with us and will be back to see how things are going.

Accidental Mommy said...

Hi J,

I showed my kids your video on tapping. They tried it for themselves. They seemed to really like it. My 9 year old daughter was even tapping at the dinner table because it made her feel good!

Before bedtime they asked if you were going to show them something new tomorrow. LOL!

They've never met other adopted kids, just a few other foster kids and they've also never met any other kids with RAD so I could tell they were really excited when they saw you. I can tell they are happy to know about you.

Thank you for being so brave and for sharing.

jenniebee said...

J you are very brave! You do not have anything to be embarrassed about. It is the people who hurt you who should be ashamed of themselves, not you. You are a great kid!

Keep practicing being brave. It is hard at first, but every time you practice doing things that scare you, it gets easier and soon you wonder why you ever thought anything was scary, it is all so easy when you know how to be brave!

Beverly said...

you are a brave girl to trust your mom to love you. That is a big step. You can def. be proud of yourself for taking that step. and grown ups have the same questions about why children have to stay for so long with people who hurt them!

Meg an Aggie in Frisco said...

Oh My! My heart cries for you J. I am so sorry it took pain to find your Mom. I feel so luck I found my Mom at 19 days old, but I suffered from feeling guilty that I had such a great mom & dad.

A quote for you... You can use it to grow!

Pain

"Whatever can hurt you the worst, has the equivalent power to help you the most."

Keith A. Craft Leadershipology.com